Still
by icewolf8
Summary: Takes place 10 yrs after Jack and Ennis's last meeting. R&R pretty please.


**Still**

Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were. Should buy rights from Ms. Proulx, but, can't afford.

Thousands of people live in this town  
And I had to run into him  
When I saw him there  
On that busy street  
Those feelings came back again  
There was no where to run  
Nowhere to hide  
He walked up to me and looked in my eyes

CHORUS:  
And still  
The world stood still  
And I couldn't move  
And all I could feel was this aching in my heart saying I love him still

He said how have you been  
Its great to see you again  
You're really a sight for sore eyes  
I said I can't complain  
Oh-I'm doing fine  
We talked as the people rushed by  
We laughed about old times and all we've been through  
That's when he hugged me and said I've missed you

CHORUS

That's when she walked up to him  
He said this is my wife  
I gave my best smile but I was dying inside  
He said we have to go now  
Its getting late  
It was so good to see you  
And they walked away

CHORUS:  
And still  
MY world stood still  
And I count move  
And all I could feel was this aching in my heart saying I loved him still

Still by Reba McEntire

Jack Twist was sitting in the corner of the bar sipping on his fifth glass of whiskey trying to decide whether or not to head on home. The divorce 10 years ago had left him with enough money to move up here and buy him a nice little house on the outskirts of town. Nothing as gaudy as what he used to call home, but, just right for him and the one job he'd been able to keep lets him drink night after night either here in this bar or at home when he didn't feel like company. Over the years he'd had a couple of flings with other men, but, had never had his heart in it and they finally had moved on not able to put up with the ghost that always seems to haunt him.

Sitting at his usual table trying to get drunk and not succeeding, he ignores everyone else in this place and people learned early on to leave him alone. He's been trying, night after night, to drown the empty feeling inside himself that's been there for the last ten years or so, buy, it just won't go away.

Reba McEntire's song _Still _starts playing on the jukebox, but, he barely hears it. Not knowing why he does it, he looks up as the door opens and a new stranger walks in heading for the bar. Something about this stranger is very familiar even though he doesn't recognize him. Suddenly, as though sensing eyes on him, he sees the strangers head jerk up from studying his beer and watches as the man starts looking around the room. When blue eyes meet brown time seems to suddenly come to a halt as though it's taking a photograph of the moment. Without breaking eye contact, he watches as the man rises from his stool and walks over to him both silent for what seems like ages, but, is only seconds.

Surprisingly, the stranger starts talking first.

"Hello, Jack," he says, in that gravelly voice of his that Jack knows so well.

"Hey, Ennis. What're you doin' here?" Jack asks, managing to get the words out around the lump in his throat.

"Could ask the same of you," Ennis replies. "Mind if I sit down fer a spell?"

"No, go ahead and take a load of yer feet. So, what've ya been up to lately? Still livin' over in Riverton?"

"Nah, moved away from there a couple years ago after Frannie got married and moved to California. Still go up and see Junior and her husband once in awhile, though. Otherwise, nothing left to hold me there. So, what about you? What've you been up to?"

"Nothing much, I guess, bout the same as you. Lureen and I got divorced and I moved up here. With Bobby gone off to college and then getting married wasn't nothing left to tie me down there. Got me a nice little house on the outskirts of town here. Thought about goin' up to Lightning Flat after my daddy passed on, but, couldn't really see the point. Momma died a few years ago and the place got sold. Guess she couldn't live without my daddy there."

Ennis could feel the table shaking, in fact, it had been shaking since he'd sat down. He knew Jack was as nervous as he himself was which made him feel better. He had changed a little over the years since they'd last seen each other. He wasn't constantly looking around to see who might be watching them nor could he care less about what they might think. Not like he used to. He'd finally, with Junior's help, gotten over seeing the 'tire iron man' behind every set of eyes. The only thing that hadn't changed in all them years was how his heart ached every time he looked into a pair of eyes that made the sky look like a child's chalk drawing.

"Listen, Jack, we need to talk."

""Thought that's what we were doin'." Jack knew Ennis was serious, but, his kid nature never really knew when to take a break.

""M serious, Jack. Ya got anyplace to be fer awhile?"

"I know yer serious, Ennis, and no I don't. Wanna go back to my place? No one there to bother us."

Ennis just sat there staring into Jack's eyes for a bit seeing the pleading in there that he knew Jack wouldn't put into his voice. _Is he willing to forgive me after all this time? _he wondered. _Or will we just pick up the fight from where we left off? Guess there's only one way to find out._

"Ok, Jack, we can do that."

"Ok, then," Jack said, tossing some money down on the table to cover their drinks. "Let's go. It's not far."

Neither said a word on the ride over to the house each lost in their own thoughts. Pulling into the driveway, Jack started to hop out when he noticed Ennis just sitting there staring at the house. It was a two-story house that had a well-kept look about it. There were two bedrooms and a bath upstairs and a living room, kitchen and den with a half-bath downstairs. It was a forest green with shy blue trimming, Ennis's two favorite colors. He liked the green because he knew Jack always looked good in it and the sky blue almost matched Jack's eyes.

Walking in the door, all Ennis could do was stare. It was more fancy than he'd ever seen in his life. The living room was elaborately furnished with a couch and two chairs arranged near a fireplace. It also had a love seat next to the wall. The walls were painted a sky blue same as the outside trim. There was also a mahogany wood floor and paintings on the walls. Ennis slowly walked over to the fireplace, one picture in particular hold all his attention. It was a beautiful mountain setting done at sunset with an eagle flying in the background. It was breathtaking.

"Jack, where did you get this? Is it what I think it is?" Ennis asked.

"Sure is, Ennis," Jack replied hearing the awe and heartache coming out in his voice though he tried to hide it. "Brokeback Mountain. I had an artist paint it for me a few years back. Asked her to paint how it looked at sunset."

They both stood there for a minute letting the painting draw them back to a more carefree time of their lives, but, only for a moment. Jack finally broke the moment by asking Ennis if he wanted some coffee and got the positive response he was expecting. They could both feel the pull between them, but, chose to ignore it for now each hoping they wouldn't have to go on ignoring it for the rest of their lives.

They settled into the chairs facing each other over a gulf that was wider than the entire house. They sat silently for a while, each thinking back to the last time they had seen each other and both still hurting from the words that had been spoken.

_I wish I knew how to quit you._

_Then why don't ya, huh? Why don't ya just let me be? It's cause of you the I'm this way. I'm nowhere…I'm nothing._

Jack looked up, moving only his eyes, to see Ennis was staring into the fire. _God, he's still beautiful even after all these years, _he thought not knowing Ennis was thinking the same thing. _What is it about him that I just can't seem to quit? _

Taking a deep breath, Jack started to talk when Ennis interrupted him.

"Just let me say my piece and I'll just be on my way, Jack. It's something I should have said years ago."

Jack was once again stunned that Ennis had spoken first. He'd never started a conversation before. Usually Jack would have to start it before Ennis would join in.

"OK," he managed to get out curious as to what was on Ennis's mind, but, knowing it was important to him. Even after all these years he could still read Ennis like an open book.

"First, I wanna apologize for what I said to ya that day. It took me a long time, and a two-by-four upside my head applied Junior style, to make me see how wrong I was. It wasn't you that made me what I am nor put me where I was. It was me that did them things. It was my constant fear that blinded me to what was happening. I always thought that if I could keep ya at a distance that I could protect ya, keep ya safe. I was afraid that if we ranched up together that you'd end up getting' hurt 'cause of me. I couldn't see that all I was doin' was making myself miserable and hurting you. Way I see it, ya had a right to say all them things ya said to me that day. After all I did to ya, I can't blame ya a bit fer wanta quit me. It was the only way fer you to survive. I see that now. And I know I ain't got the right, but, I would like to ask ya if you can ever forgive me fer all that. If ya can find it in your heart to forgive me fer all I've put ya through. Ya don't have to if ya don't wanna, but, I just figured it was about time I asked."

Jack just sat quietly and let Ennis talk not really sure he wanted to interrupt nor what he'd even say if he did. He'd never heard words like these from Ennis in his entire life nor had he ever heard Ennis talk as much as he had just then. Not sure how to respond, he opened and closed his mouth a few times before he could get the first word out. His first instinct, as always, was to make a joke about it, but, knew Ennis wouldn't take to kindly to that, so he carefully thought about what he wanted to say first before he said anything.

"Actually, Ennis, I'm afraid the answer is no. I can't forgive ya fer that," he said. Seeing the stony look start to cross Ennis's face, he hurried on. "What I mean is, I can't forgive ya fer doing something ya had to do. I should have realized that day what I was doing to you. I should not have been constantly badgering you for that sweet life I always wanted with ya. I knew about your fears and just deliberately dismissed 'em. Wasn't right fer me to do that to ya. I was too hell bent on making at least one of my dreams come true that I never gave thought to what it would cost me in the end. I admit that ya did hurt me on more than one occasion, but, it wasn't nothing to the way I hurt us both in the long run. And I had no right to bring up Mexico the way I did. Sure I would have told ya about it sooner or later, but, there was no call fer me doin' it like that. So, while we're on the forgivin' subject, can ya fergive me fer all I done to ya? Fer all I done to us both?"

"Already did, Rodeo. Long time ago. Was just too much of a coward to find ya till now. 'Course, I also didn't have any choice in the matter either," he replied with a wry grin.

"Why's that?"

"'Cause Junior told me that if I didn't she would. Said she lock us both in a room till we came to our senses."

"Ya told Junior about us?" Jack asked with a shocked expression on his face.

"Didn't have to," Ennis shot back. "Seems she figured it out years ago and has been on my case ever since about it. Told ya she was too smart fer her own good. Said she'd seen us that day ya came to see me after the divorce. Said she'd seen the way we looked at each other and my face when ya'd left and it got her to thinking"

Jack had to laugh at that one. Even though he'd only seen her that one day and only for a second, he'd known there was something about that girl.

"By the way, Ennis, there is one more thing I need to tell ya. I know it's gonna make ya mad, but, I do have to tell ya this and I'll take whatever ya think I got comin' to me for it. After I left that day, after your divorce, I started seein' someone on the side. Someone I thought could give me what you couldn't. Remember that foreman's wife I told ya about? Well, it weren't his wife. His name was Randall. I only did it cause I was hurtin' so bad and he saw it. He tried to help me through it, tried to help me heal the pain, but, it just weren't no good. After our last meetin' I went back and broke it off with him. Haven't seen anyone since cause I knew that there was only one person who could heal the pain I've been in and it was the one person who I thought didn't really want me around. The one person who I thought was too ashamed to have me around."

Jack had seen the anger appearing on Ennis's face and was prepared to take the beating of his life and, so, was very surprised when the tears started falling from Ennis's eyes. In a flash he was kneeling in front of Ennis ready to take him in his arms if that's what he wanted. He started to reach up to wipe the tears away when Ennis suddenly grabbed his wrist. Before he knew it Ennis had pulled him into a hug so tight he couldn't breath, but, at that moment he would have died happy with the arms of the man he loved wrapped around him. He realized that both of them were crying and he knew it was for lost years and wasted time. Finally, Ennis pulled back so he could look Jack in the eye. Evidently he'd seen what he was looking for because the next moment he was giving Jack a kiss that defied the very laws of passion. Breaking the kiss so he could breath again, Jack launched one of his trade mark grins. Ennis, seeing that grin and knowing Jack was up to something, was about to ask him what he'd done now when Jack grabbed him by the hand and led him to the den.

"C'mere, Cowboy, wanna show ya something."

Standing in the den facing Jack's desk, Ennis started getting that suspicious look on his face cause he knew Jack was up to something and he didn't know if he was gonna like it or not.

"Now, before I show ya what I want ya to see, cowboy, I want ya to think back to our last day on the mountain. Do ya remember what happened that day?"

"Yeah, like it was yesterday. Thought ya told me ya wasn't sore bout that punch I gave ya."

"Nah, Cowboy, I wasn't sore bout that punch, sure was sore cause of it, but, not the reason behind it. But, let me ask ya this. If I'd told ya that I loved ya that day, would ya have believed me? I mean, really believed me? In your heart?"

"Don't rightly know, Rodeo. Don't rightly know what all I was feeling that day. Was a lot of feelin's jumbled up in my head. Wasn't sore about losin' a months pay, though I could've used it. I was tore up, though, bout havein' to leave ya. After ya drove out of sight, I had to duck into an alley cause my insides felt like they was tryin' to become my outsides. Wasn't till ya showed back up four years later that I finally realized that I shouldn't have let ya off that easy." Jack's breath caught again when he saw that rare ray of sunshine coming from Ennis's face as he smiled.

"Well then, Cowboy, guess instead of telling ya what I was feelin' that day, I'll just have to show ya. Turn around and look at the wall behind ya."

Not sure what he'd see, Ennis turned around and saw a sight he never expected to see in all his life. In shock, he walked over to touch the object on the wall just to let his hand confirm what his eye's were telling him. Tears started flowing down his face as his hand brushed across the faded fabric of a blue jean shirt inside of which was nestled, as if in a cocoon, was a plaid shirt. Lifting up the right sleeve of the jean shirt he noticed what looked like dried blood on it, knowing it was from the bloody nose Jack had accidentally given him that day. Turning back around, he saw the tears streaming out of Jack's eyes.

"You sumbitch," he breathed. "You stole my shirt." Jack couldn't do anything but nod as Ennis walked over and pulled Jack into another hug.

"I love ya, Cowboy," Jack whispered. "I've always loved ya."

"Love ya too, Rodeo. Always have and always will."

A little while later the 'rodeo fuck-up' led his 'cowboy' upstairs where they made up for a lot of wasted time and wasted years and apologized until dawn for all the unnecessary tears.


End file.
